The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
