now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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