she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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