All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
