I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
