I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
