how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
