You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
