You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
