i permit you to call me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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