Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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