just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
