Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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