your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
