she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So many bounce houses so little time
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize