You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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