Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
