I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everclear isn't food dammit
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
