i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
