I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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