I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
