doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
