I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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