If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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