Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
