batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize