the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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