i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
