I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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