Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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