So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
