i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
