Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
