i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
