The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
