i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize