New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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