Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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