Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
