She is in my trunk
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
