It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
