i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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