separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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