I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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