I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
