JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
