So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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