He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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