The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
