Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize