i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
