so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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