I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
