Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
