Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
