Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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