Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
wow bdsm is so cute
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
