he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
