Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
