12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
