girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
