currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
