making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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