Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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