Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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