im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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