He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
