Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
