well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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