Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
