Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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