He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize