I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
