I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize