A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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