Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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