You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
