What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
