I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
